Saturday, September 2, 2017

he's drunk

November 29th 2013
He's drunk
He stumbles through
campus, peeing in
a bush on his way
to buy pizza
He's drunk
He tells me he loves
me between sips
of his water bottle
filled with vodka
He's drunk
He searches for a
rope to forget the
pain caused by his
mom in his yough
He''s drunk
I tell him I love
him too because
what else do you
say to your suicidal
boyfriend on their birthday.

February 12th 2014
I'm out with a friend
he's a stranger
at a club but it's
his birhtday
so he smacks my ass
apparently people have
a right to do so on
their birthday
I just wasn't
made aware

I remember November 29th 20`3
He's drunk
He pushes me up against
a wall pressing his
lips to mine
He's drunk
He doesn't care that people
can see his hand on
my breast trying to
unclamp my bra
He's drunk
And I'm painfully
aware that we're
in a public stairwell

July 24th 2014
It's my coworkers
birthday so I offer
him a present and
we go for a drive
I'm awkwardly contorted
around a gear stick
swallowing protein
the nice couple on a
hike shield their
children's eyes

I remember November 29th 2013
He's drunk
So he doesn't feel the
frigid winter air
and undresses himself
for me
He's drunk
But he was a football
player so he's still
strong holding me
He's drunk
He doesn't remember
it in the morning

July 18th 2014
I'm sitting at Dairy Queen
eating ice cream I'd
later throw up and
I wonder what's to
celebrate about the
passage of time
I'm can finally buy a
lottery ticket but I'm
a walking statistic and
statistics lose at the lottery
every single damn time
Back at my house
my friends surprise
me with balloons
and a birthday kiss

I remember November 29th 2013
He's drunk
And half asleep for that
matter, he most not
hear my pleads in his dreams
I run and sleep in my friend's
dorm room.

June 29th 2017
It's been 3 years and
7 months
but he's not the
one I care about
My partner takes
me out for vegan
food so I can eat
and gives me a sip of his drink
We're both tired and he's
a little bit drunk so we walk
down the block to his house
I lay in his bed half asleep
And kiss him goodnight,

I start to forget about November 29th 2013


  1. Niqi,

    You are so brave to post is heartbreaking to know what a terrible thing happened to you. Thank you so much for posting this poem. You are a very strong lady.

    Sending so much love.

    1. Thank you Tracy, your comments on my last few posts have made me feel so welcome and safe in this community <3