Monday, August 14, 2017

weight loss

I
watched
a petal
fall
from its
flower

I wonder
what it
would
be like
to
fall
from
home


I want to lose weight. I have a plan. But I'll do it right this time. None of this purging and unhealthy restriction. Good wholesome foods and lots of exercise.

Is this even possible? Is it possible for someone with an eating disorder to lose weight in a healthy way? Is it possible to have a good relationship with your body while trying to lose weight? Is it possible to lose weight and not gain it all back?

I just want to gain muscle and lose fat. Simultaneously. But I know this is impossible. Or is it? Is this just a lie told by my doctor?

My brain is racing. I just want to fall into relapse. To forget the trauma I brought up. To take back all my secrets.

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