So I did this whole thing where I planned on bulking and then cutting. So I started eating more. But I didn't start exercising more. So I gained a bunch of FAT. Now I just want to lose. But instead of going about this in a semi healthy way (exercise, slight restriction), I'm just binging and purging EVERYTHING. It's awful.
I set an unrealistic weight loss goal and feeling so down that I'm not reaching it. I reset a realistic goal and I'm feeling better now. I'm also working out more which makes me feel a lot better.
I know this is unhealthy. But it is less unhealthy then the alternative. I'm just working on harm reduction until treatment starts.
In other news, I got hired!!! I start work on Monday and I couldn't be more excited. The only thing I'm worried about is staying awake ALL DAY. I've been sleeping through the day, and through the night, or not sleeping at all and it's really messing with my schedule. I'm determined to get back on track this week - I woke up late this morning (9am), but I'm going to get up early (6:30) and go for a swim tomorrow!