I decided against doing the eating disorder treatment group. This may seem like a stupid decision, and honestly, it might be. But fuck it.
I've been doing better lately, with work and school and gymnastics. Of course I still have my days, everyone does, but I'm coping a lot better. I'm able to resist binge urges I couldn't do before. I think I was suffering from too much therapy. I spent too long analysing everything that's wrong with me when I should be focusing on living. Doing things I enjoy.
I definitely needed the therapy to get to this point. But I think I'm there. Yes, I will always need meds, and short checkups with my family doctor (who's a MH specialist), but I feel like I can live again.
My parents are mad, I'm currently not talking to my dad, and my mom is being supportive but wishes I had taken a different decision. I was so worried about letting people down when I made this decision, but ultimately it has to be my decision. Worrying about others thoughts is one of the things that stops me from moving forward in recovery.