I'm up north visiting my dad, stepmom and sisters. It's tough being up here. It's hard to eat, it's hard to purge, it's hard not to purge, it's just hard.
I've really been struggling with thoughts of restriction, which hasn't been a problem for me in a while. The thoughts are there which cause the bulimic behaviours to come out stronger.
Yesterday was really tough, I napped for four hours because I couldn't handle the emotions I was feeling throughout the day. I'm going to go nap shortly, to re-energize myself before dinner. I just want my family to leave the house so that I can b/p.
I wish seeing family wasn't so tiring. I really want to be able to just go and have a good time, but I feel like I have to be putting on a show, pretending I'm doing well at all times.
I go home tomorrow evening and I'm excited. I'm even looking forward to the long bus ride, just so that I can have some time where no one is expecting anything from me.