Sunday, May 28, 2017


I'm just going to start with a discloser. I am in no way encouraging the consumption of diet pills. I'm also not promoting or shaming hydroxycut. This is just my experience with the product, a warning and a fun little story. This may, however, be triggering.

I haven't abused diet pills very much (at least in comparison to laxatives) throughout the course of my eating disorder. Three years ago, I started taking the drink powder, and drank that relatively consistently for a couple months. I honestly don't remember my weight at the time, but it was at the lower end. I liked the drink mix because it forced you to have water, which made it much harder to abuse. What I liked most about it though was the caffeine content. Caffeine really helps improve my baseline mood without increasing my anxiety very much, so it is a drug I most definitely abuse. The hydroxycut gave me a nice way to get that extra protein and who knows, maybe did help my weight.

Last year, I got some samples of hydroxycut hard core. I had about eight pills, so took it for a week and felt in top of the world. Again, it may just have the caffeine. But I remember that week being particularly good in a bad summer. Later that summer though, I had a suicide attempt that involved me taking a bottle of diet gummies.  Since the suicide attempt, I've avoided diet pills to reduce the chance of impulsively attempting with them while dissociating.

Yesterday, I bought two bottles of the gummies. I wanted to get the drink mix because it's harder to abuse but the gummies were on sale. I'm haven't been suicidal for a couple months and I trust that I'll get rid of them if I start to go down that road. But for now my plan is to just take one every morning. It's day one, so it's hard to say what effect it has but what I can say is that my mood is better. Again, I think this is just because of the caffeine. I've been on a lowered caffeine intake and my mood has dropped considerably, and hasn't gone back up even after three weeks of close to no caffeine. I just need that jolt for my mood. The gummy definitely gave me that.

I don't know if they do anything other than act as a glorified caffeine pill, and I wouldn't recommend getting into it. They're expensive and coming off of them is hard. It's also hard on your heart because the caffeine hits you all at once, not gradually like it would if you drank a coffee.

Today I went to the proshow and got a free shaker water bottle that said hydroxycut on it. Just thought it was funny given the fact I picked some up yesterday.

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