Friday, May 26, 2017

b/p b/p b/p b/p b/p b/p b/p b/p b/p

 That's right. Nine binge and purges in the last two days. Six binges and purges yesterday, three today... so far, it's only 6:24.

I don't know what to do. I'm don't care about anything but am simultaneously stressed about everything. I want a hug from my boyfriend. But I won't see him for another month. I want to slam my head against the wall. Or slice up my thigh. But I won't. I can guarantee I won't do that. I can't guarantee I won't binge and purge again though. I don't know what else to do. Why is life so difficult.

I'm also behind in school, and not doing as well as I should be in my two first year courses. By fourth year, I shouldn't have much trouble acing a first year course. But no, I can't focus, I can't concentrate, I can't even get myself out of bed.

Why can I not stop binging and purging. I don't know what to do. What to eat. How to eat. Nothing is a safe food anymore. I just want to give up.

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