Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Reading week

It's now reading week. Since I haven't been going to classes for the past three weeks it doesn't make much of a difference for me but it does mean that I'm not getting further behind. I'm hoping to catch up this week so I can return to classes on Monday. We'll see though. 

This has been my longest hospitalization so far, and I still don't feel ready to go home. I want to drink and take sleeping pills and drift away into the dark abyss. I don't want to be here anymore. I'm just so damn sick of it.

I just don't want to hurt others. One of the reasons I'm so fucked up is watching my dad and stepmom be sick and having my stepmom pass away. I don't want to be the reason my loved ones are fucked up. I don't want them to have to go through what I'm going through. 

One of my goals for this week is to read more. Not just math, but fiction. I want to reread all the Harry Potters, and finally attack Game of Thrones. If anyone has any book suggestions please let me know!


  1. Hi.....I do understand that feeling......and also the feeling of rejection you wrote about a while back. i wish I could send you feelings of hope and good wishes.......

  2. "The long abbess"....I know that feeling so well.......................