Friday, February 3, 2017

Outing

My outing from the hospital went really well last night. My boyfriend and I went out for dinner and had a marvelous time. I only had two hours off the unit, so I didn't have time to go home and drop stuff off like I had hoped, but I was able to enjoy a meal outside of the hospital. My best friend brought me back to the unit after a quick Starbucks stop.

My boyfriend has been incredibly supportive these past few weeks. I had suicide plans on my mind for over a week and he held me tight as I fought through those thoughts. After my attempt, he visited me in the hospital, has been sending me encouraging texts, and has been keeping me up to date with events around the math department.

I can't say as much with regards to my best friend. Me hitting my rock bottom caused her a lot of stress, but she wasn't able to manage it properly. She isolated herself and wasn't supportive. It was really frustrating for me because when the roles were reversed I was by her side 100%. We didn't talk for two days after my admission. We usually don't go two hours without talking to each other. Things have blown over now, but I definitely still am holding a grudge. She was incredibly rude to me when the ambulance came to pick me up and I really could have used some support.

I'm glad my outing went well and that I was able to enjoy time out with two of the most important people in my life. I'm feeling more confident in my abilities to keep myself safe, however I know I'm not ready to leave the hospital yet. When I look out the window I still want to jump. And being accompanied on my time out of the hospital is still definitely necessary. But I'm starting to feel better. They increased my prozac and that has definitely had a positive effect. But I need to give it some time for the medicine to fully kick in and have full effect.

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