I've been either too depressed or too busy to write. I've noticed some improvements in myself over the past week, but I still don't feel safe being discharged. I'm still going to be here for at least another week, so I'm hoping I start feeling safer over the next week. I really want to get discharged, but I'm not sure if I want to get discharged so that I can kill myself, or so I can go back to my normal life.
Monday is a holiday, so I have three days I can spend at home, as long as I come back for the nights. I'm hoping to make it through most of the day, but we'll see what happens. Yesterday I had a pass to go to classes and talk to my profs, and I lost it in the middle of the math building. I got very suicidal and really struggled. I ended up having to cancel on my friend, and headed back to the hospital a couple hours early.
I'm really glad that next week is reading week. I've been trying to keep up but it has been difficult to do so. I'm constantly behind scrambling to balance taking care of myself and doing school work. It's hard to find a balance. I guess that's one of the reasons why I am here - to learn to find a balance.
My new roommate is awful. I woke up to her going through my stuff. Yesterday, I walked into my room and she was wearing my scarf. I'm extremely unimpressed. I've asked to switch rooms a few times now and I'm hoping that the change happens soon.
This has been my longest hospitalization, and quite honestly I need it. I'm really struggling at the moment. Although I'm less suicidal than I was, I still don't feel completely safe.
I met the most wonderful woman here, we became friends almost instantly. We actually have plans to go get tattoos together in the beginning of march! Here's what I want to get done.