I've lost that drive. I don't want to be exceptional anymore. I just want to be normal. I would give up what I'm good at to not be sick. And I've never felt this way before.
I've always thought I'd be okay being miserable as long as I was exceptional. I'm not anymore. I'm tired, I'm worn out, and I just don't care. That scares me. That shows me how badly I'm doing.