I've decided I need to maintain.
I've been spending a lot of time trying to lose over the past couple weeks, and all it's done is increase my b/p tendencies, distract me from school and make me absolutely miserable. I'm at a weight I'm content with. I'm not happy, but I'm content. My muscle tone is showing more and more as I continue my gymnastics training. I can't let weight loss be my priority.
In an ideal world, I'd be able to lose weight, ace school and be an elite athlete. That's not possible. I need to prioritize. My first priority is school. My second is gymnastics. And if losing weight gets in the way of either of those I'm going to need to stop.
This is me trying. No I'm not magically recovering. No, I'm not going to stop engaging in behaviours. But this is my trying. This is me trying to get back on track with life, not with weight loss. This is me harm reducing. Don't say I need to do more. Don't say I need to gain, or exercise less or eat a bigger variety of food. Let me do me. This is me trying.