Monday, October 31, 2016

'healthy'

I've had some pretty major weight fluctuations over the past month. I lost about 10 lbs over September, and gained them back in October. All these weight fluctuations make gymnastics quite difficult, as I'm not as in touch with my body.

I mentioned this to my training partner today, and she told me that when she saw me a month ago she was quite concerned and that I look much better now. I *know* that she doesn't mean that I look fat now, but that's the only way my brain knows how to take a comment like that.

looking better = looking healthier = looking fatter

I know logically this isn't true. But my brain still believes it.

My body image has gone down drastically as I gained back these ten pounds. I felt a lot better about my body ten pounds ago, and would really like to be at that weight again. But I don't want to look sick. I just want to like what I look like and not cause the rest of the world to panic over my weight. Why is that so difficult?

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