Sunday, September 18, 2016

Compare

My best friend attempted suicide last night. I don't know what to think. What to do. I went to the hospital with her last night, and visited this morning (she's been admitted to a medical unit for a couple days but isn't getting admitted to psych). I started micromanaging everything that was going on because that was easier than having feelings.

I've managed to continue taking care of myself (other than the whole eating thing...). But I've managed to shower, get dressed, put make up on, visit my boyfriend and do some school work. I managed to remain functional and not self harm.

This is triggering for me to say the least. And here are were the fucked up thoughts start to come in. Her suicide attempt had me thinking about mine. How my attempts didn't land me in a medical unit. How I got formed and she didn't. How the cops didn't come to talk to me after mine.

Why must I compare our illnesses?

2 comments:

  1. I'm sorry to hear that. Glad to hear that you manage. I think comparing is normal- maybe try more distractions? I think, with attempts, the process is different every time (I'm not an expert though so don't quote me) so that may be why.
    Take care!

    Love,
    Christie

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  2. I'm so sorry to hear that :( I think comparing in itself can be our minds trying to play tricks on us to send us spiraling. I hope she gets better soon.

    xxxx

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