Over my stay here at the hospital, I've figured out a lot of things that I don't want in my life. Today I refocused those thoughts. Knowing what you don't want is good, but it leaves a lot in the open. Knowing what you want is more important, it can guide you, help you set goals and lead you in a positive direction. I did some pretty intense journalling today. Here is an excerpt
I don't want to be this way when I'm thirty. I don't want to have to put my life on hold to be in the hospital. I don't want to constantly worry my friends and family. I don't want to define myself by my illnesses. I don't want to miss out because I'm scared of calories. I don't want to have three wardrobes because of weight fluctuations.
I want to have Ph.D. when I'm thirty. I want to be learning and advancing my career. I want my friends and family to have a stable relationship with me. I want to define myself by my career and interests. I want to have fun and experience life, including food. I want to maintain a weight I feel good at though balanced eating and exercise.