Sunday, August 28, 2016

Food

I haven't purged since I've been at my grandma's and I'm really really happy about that, but today for breakfast I had a big waffle, and I had four cookies at lunch so I'm basically a whale and there's going to be pie at desert.

"Discipline is choosing what you want most over what you want now"

What I want most is to be a mathematician. Not a bulimic, but a mathematician.

What I want now is to purge my guts out, then binge then purge again.


But I need to chose what I want most. What I want most is to be a mathematician. And I can't do that if I'm wasting time and mental energy purging, and letting my brain waste away from undernourishment.

It's okay to indulge every so often, especially when you're on vacation celebrating with family. I haven't gained any weight since I've been here, and I can't gain 10 pounds overnight. Everything will be okay.

I'm using my delay skill right now to help me through the day. I'm delaying destructive behaviors. I'm telling myself that I can fast tomorrow if I want to. Hopefully tomorrow I won't want to fast, and I'll be refreshed and ready to fight again.


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