Monday, July 18, 2016

Mental illness doesnt care


I'm in a horrid mood. I've purged twice at work. In terms of food I did keep down today, we're looking at some milk. 

It's my birthday. I'm supposed to be happy and have a good day. Turns out that mental illness doesn't care that it's my birthday. Bulimia, borderline and depression thoughts are all going to turn up and attack me. 

I wish I could just ignore my eating disorder for a day and enjoy food without purging. I wish I could lean on my boyfriend for support without fearing that he'll break up with me. I'm struggling so much. 

I don't have the money to book an extra session with my therapist at the moment and I don't see her until the 30th. 

When you have a mental illness, it doesn't matter if you're supposed to be having fun, or if it's supposed to be a good day. Sometimes the illness takes over and ruins everything.

I'm trying so hard to keep on pushing and keep on going. I just don't want to. I'm going to a wedding in Montreal this weekend so I won't even get to have a nice restful weekend. I mean weddings are fun, but with the wedding comes food anxiety, body image anxiety and family anxiety. 

I just want to ignore everything and sleep. But that never works in the long run. So I'll over caffeinate and keep on trying.

5 comments:

  1. I'm sorry you're having such a hard week, especially on your birthday. I always find birthdays hard for one reason or another.
    And it's very true. Mental illness does not care :(

    xx

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    1. Thank you💖 the day ended I'm an alright manner so I'm trying to focus on that and remember that todahnis a new day

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  2. I am so very sorry your Birthday turned out so rotten....Happy B-Day any way! I know well the pain of BPD and bulimia....I wish there were something I could say to help you....sending so much love, tracy

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    1. Thank you greatly for the love. I really appreciate it

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  3. I know...sleep is so nice, if only we could get it! Sleep, go to sleep and try to get some rest sweetie..........love you!

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