Sunday, July 3, 2016

Back to gymnastics

I'm heading back to gymnastics today after taking two months off.

I'm really nervous. I'm not sure what to tell everyone at the gym. They know that I struggle with my mental health. They know that's why I took time off.

I guess I'm just worried I'll have to answer questions. In the gym, I'm a gymnast. I'm not borderline or bulimic. I'm a gymnast. I get to forget about the shit going on in my life and just be a gymnast. I don't want others asking me questions that will bring the things I keep out of the gym into the gym.

I'm also really worried that I lost all of my skill. I was getting new skills before I took time off. I was maximizing my potential. I was really improving, which is not something a gymnast can often say at almost 20 years old. But I was working hard.

I haven't even conditioned much over the past two months, and I'm really worried I'm going to notice it tonight. I mean, I know I'll notice it, how could I not. But I don't want to be disappointed my first day back at gymnastics. That just seems like a bad way to start off this year.

The goal this year is nationals, and this goal really motivates me to work towards a healthier relationship with food. I need to have fuel to do gymnastics, there's no question about it.

I'm hoping that this practice really kick starts me into a good week, I've struggled a fair bit over the past couple weeks with binging and purging.

1 comment:

  1. Good luck! I hope you have an awesome time.

    Always remember: you don't have to answer any questions that you don't feel comfortable with. Taking time off for your mental health, or even just your health in general, should be enough for them. Obviously people naturally like to be sticky-beaks and try to pry, but if you're not comfortable elaborating, they are not entitled to details. If they push it, tell them what you wrote here - "In the gym, I'm a gymnast... I don't want others asking me questions that will bring the things I keep out of the gym into the gym."