It's been a tough week. I've battled with my thoughts a lot and ed thoughts came flooding back as I binged and purged almost daily this past week.
My anxiety has been through the roof lately. I've been isolating more than usual.
I saw my doctor last night and I decided to look at my patient screen on her computer. I didn't think it would affect me as much as it did. It looks like I don't have a full BPD diagnosis, only borderline traits and possible BPD. I guess I should be pleased, but I'm not. The borderline diagnosis made sense. I took it as part of who I was and was learning to work with it. Now I feel like I've been overdramatic for nothing. Like I'm not really sick. It also had my eating disorder as ednos, not bulimia. I was diagnosed with ednos a couple years ago when I haf purging disorder, but I was convinced it had been changed back to bulimia. Apparently not. Again, it shouldn't matter what a doctor wrote down and I shouldn't define myself based off of a diagnosis but I do. And because I do this really got to me.
At least it's Friday today. That means we might get off work early, and I habe a three day weekend ahead. I have therapy tomorrow and I see family on Monday. To be honest, I'm mostly excited for all the sleep I'm going to get tonight and on Sunday.
I'm going to work hard at getting back on a schedule this weekend. Eating more regularly and making a better meal plan for work, so that im not binging and purging the second I get home. I'll keep you guys posted on how it's going. I will kick this bulimia. I will be healthy. I will not let me eating disorder take over this university year like it did my last two years.