My therapist has decided I need inpatient treatment. I've considered it before, but I just have so many reasons not to go.
I'm writing my thesis in the fall.
I need to make money over the summer.
I'm working towards doing corporate events as an acrobat.
I don't want to quit gymnastics.
I don't want treatment to get in the way of school.
I don't want to lose my friends.
I keep telling myself that I'm not sick enough. "Famous last words" as my therapist put it. I don't know what to do.
The ironic part, is the stress of this decision, is triggering my ED, making me get worse, wanting to be sick enough if I am to get treatment, the fear of losing the one thing that helps me hold on every day.
I'm scared it won't work. Because then what? What if it doesn't get better? At least now I can think that maybe things will be better once I recover? But what if it doesn't? Or what if I can't recover?
You can't fail if you don't try.
I'm functional. I'm succeeding in school. I'm succeeding in athletics. I'm succeeding in extra-curriculars. And I have a wonderful circle of friends supporting me. Why would I leave this?