Thursday, March 3, 2016

Psych

I'm seen a new psychologist today. I'm terrified.
What if she thinks I'm too fat to have an eating disorder.
I know that's not possible,
As eating disorders come in all shapes and sizes
But somehow that rule doesn't
Apply to me.

What if she thinks I'm too broken
And that I'll never get better
She's read my file
So she knows I've been denied
Treatment before.

My biggest fear right now
Is that she works at the clinic
That has denied me treatment
Three times because of my
Borderline personality disorder

So I have to sit
In the same waiting room
And talk to the same receptionist
And see the same workers
That made me question if I
Was even capable of recovery.

I don't want to set foot
In that clinic
Or even the building

I've purged in those bathrooms
After my appointments
And binged on the food
In that Tim Horton's
And I guess I don't want
To do that again

I thought about skipping
My appointment today
But it's through my dad's ensurance
So he would surely know

I did get today
A beautiful letter in the mail
From my lovely pen pal
It was such a nice
Inspirational note and that's really
The only thing
Keeping me together right now.

-Niqi
xoxo

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