Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Off my meds

You would think that a math major would be able to count properly, but apparently not.
I messed up with my meds and ran out on Sunday, so I haven't had my Prozac for three days now. I'm still taking my anti-psychotics and other medications, but I won't get any more Prozac until mid-day tomorrow.

I'm lucky enough, and yes I consider myself lucky, that I have medication that works for me. Even if it isn't as 100% effective as I'd like, they do work. The fact that I notice when I don't take them means that taking them does make a difference. And I am extremely grateful for that. I spent six months trying different medication combinations that didn't work for my depression and impulsivity, and am so glad that my Prozac helps. When I started experiencing psychosis, my Abilify helped me almost immediately.

However, it sucks being dependent on them. I haven't been to class yet this week, which is a big issue. I need to get my ass out of the house. I went to a job interview this morning, then binged, purged and slept through class. I'm finally out of bed, and I plan on going to a meeting, and to my last class today.

But I keep trying to remind myself; as much as it sucks feeling this bad when I don't have my meds, imagine how much worse it would be if I felt like this every day. I am trying to be more positive, and look on the bright side of things. I have meds that help me get through the day. Even if I can't take them for a few days, I can still remember that I feel okay enough on my meds that I can get through those tough days. I can do this.

My stepmom recently posted an image on facebook with a quote that said: "I don't get enough credit for getting through the day unmedicated". I was appalled. I don't think she realized what she was posting, I'm sure she was just trying to be funny. And to be honest, had I read it on a day where I was medicated, it probably would not have had as big of an effect on me. But it just made me feel so guilty for having to take medication. For barely getting through the day when I'm not medicated. This applies to physical illness too. If I don't take my stomach meds, my GERD would be terrible. If my sister doesn't take her meds her Chron's acts up and she suffers from malnutrition. I don't see why announcing that you don't take medication is necessary. Why must you announce to the world that you're healthy? It doesn't make you a better person, and helps perpetuate the stigma.


-Niqi
xoxo

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