Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Hallucinations

About a month ago, I started taking Abilify to treat the auditory hallucinations I experienced over the end of January and beginning of February.

The Abilify worked miracles. Once I started complying to my medication regime, I stopped having hallucinations completely. Until yesterday. Now, I know that going from having hallucinations a few times a week to once a month is marvelous. But it was scary. I thought that the voices would be gone forever after starting my medication.

I know logically that medication doesn't work like that. But I thought that maybe this time it would. Maybe I was different.

I see my psychiatrist next week so I'll be able to talk to her about my recent episode, and tell her how distressing it was. Not being sure of reality is one of the scariest things I have ever been through. I can't explain how terrifying it is to hear voices through your wall when you know logically that no one is there, but you can hear them so vividly.

I was able to take some ativan, sleep and wake up feeling a lot better after my episode yesterday and was able to go to one of my two classes. I feel so bad about all the class time I missed this term. Not only is it frustrating for my professors to teach to someone who doesn't attend lecture, but I'm also paying a lot of money to learn from them, and not taking advantage of it at all.

I wish I could go back to being 'normal'. I couldn't have been that normal, but I was able to learn and grow and not spend half the day in bed. I want to be me again.


-Niqi
xoxo

1 comment:

  1. Hallucinations are scary as all get out. You're right - being unable to tell what's real and what's not is one of the most disconcerting feelings. Do you know what caused them? A few years back my sleepers (temazepam) were causing auditory hallucinations, even though I'd taken them for a long time with no issues. I'm glad the Abilify helped. Please try not to beat yourself up about not attending 100% of your classes. You have your whole life ahead of you to study and learn, but your health isn't so easy to guarantee it'll always be there.

    <3
    xxxx

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