Saturday, March 12, 2016

Gymnastics comp

I woke up ridiculously early today. Which is normal for me on competition days. There just hasn't been a competition day in two years.

Today is my return to competition.

The last time I competed, was two years ago, and was at a very bad point in my depression. It was a week before my first admission.

I'm really nervous about going back to competition. I took last year off, hoping the reduction in stress would be helpful. I don't know.

All I want to do is binge and purge. Which is a terrible idea, but that might not be enough to stop me. I'm making myself hold out for another hour. Ride the wave Niqi, ride the wave.

I'll share videos with all of you tomorrow, after the competition and let you know how it goes!


1 comment:

  1. Hope it goes well!!!

    Time limits on B/P desires help me a lot. I tell myself that I have to wait 30 minutes, then I can decide the meantime I stay mentally busy with something so I won't just think the idea to death. More often than not, the idea of purging ends up going away completely.