Saturday, February 20, 2016

(re)lapse

I don't know
if this was a one time slip
or the beginning of a lapse
but last night was bad
It started with a weigh in
Which I should have waited
Until morning to do
The number was high
So I decided to purge
But had very little success.

So I did what I used to do
What I shouldn't have done
And took a few too many
Of my sleeping pills
Along with a handful
Of caffeine pills for their
Diuretic effect.

I don't remember much
Of much of what happened
But I woke up in bed
With my boyfriend by side
And an empty bottle of vodka
As well as an empty
Bottle of Ativan.

Like I said
Last night wasn't good
But the scariest part is that
I don't remember
Taking any Ativan or alcohol
Who knows what will happen
Tonight when I try
To kill my demons
And get some sleep.


-Niqi
xoxo

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