Friday, February 5, 2016

On the ledge

I’m lying down in bed
Feeling my pulse beat
At exactly 60 beats per minute
The ticking of a clock
The time that’s running out
As I hover on the ledge between
A healthy heart rhythm
And bradiacardia

I’m staring at the mirror
Looking at the skin
Covering my fat, muscle and bone
The metal of the scale
The flashing number on the screen
As I hover on the ledge between
Being a healthy weight
And underweight

People tell me I look good
Some even dare to use
The word healthy to describe me
As though they can look
Right through me and tell
Me the state of my internal organs
As I fake a smile
And hide the tears

I ate a cupcake in front of you today
As desert after my ‘normal looking’ lunch
And I went to the bathroom
For an appropriate amount of time
But that doesn’t mean I’m better
Please don’t believe that
I’m getting better, I’m not
Getting better

I wish I could tell you
That lunch was my only meal
And I’ve gotten quicker at purging
The bags under my eyes
Have only disappeared
With new makeup
And that maybe
I can’t do this alone

But I’m not sick enough
Not just yet, you see
My labs come back clean
My heart rate is within range
And my bmi is within range
So no one takes me seriously
Because how can one who seems

So healthy be sick?

-Niqi
xoxo 

No comments:

Post a Comment