Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Doctors appt

I really like my doctor. She's supportive, helpful and non judgemental. She's also understanding of where I am in my recovery journey and knows to not push me too hard.

I'm nervous about seeing her today though. I had my overdose on Friday since I last saw her, and yesterday was pretty rough as well.
I didn't get the summer research grant I applied for and it hit me really hard. I shouldn't have expected to get it, but it was really helping me push forward and continue to fight knowing I might get this opportunity over the summer.

I spent most of yesterday crying. I did manage to go to class, tutor two clients, and get my meds without overdosing. I also didn't binge or purge. For me these are huge wins. I just need to remind myself if that. It's hard to be proud of doing those things when I know I have to do so much more to reach my goals.

I'm trying to remember though. Goals don't have expire. Maybe I'll get my PhD at thirty instead of 25. Does it really matter?

I'm in much higher spirits today after having the time for this news to sink in. I'm going to be okay.

I'm just really not in the mood to do my two week recap with my doctor and tell her all these things. I don't wan to get a lecture on safely taking ativan and drinking, or talk about the voices. I'm in a good mood today and I don't want to ruin it by talking about how I was in a bad mood recently.

I promise I'll get my photo challenge pictures out soon! I know I missed yesterday but they'll be posted later today.

Happy hump day

-Niqi
xoxo

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