Monday, January 4, 2016

Update

Hello lovelies,

About half of you said you wanted a personal update so here goes!

First off, I am no longer in credit card debt, however in debt to my parents. I'm so grateful that they're so supportive and willing to pay off my debts so interest doesn't kill me, however I feel ashamed that I had to ask them. I was able to be 100% honest with them, and even admitted to shoplifting when I was desperate which is definitely something I never thought I'd admit to them.

School wise things are meh. I'm still coming to terms with having to take fewer courses even though I know its the right decision. I'm beating myself pretty hard for getting lower marks than I wanted last term, but I'm not engaging in behaviours because of them so that's good news. I'm kind of stuck between wanting to be proud of myself for what I did accomplish, but I also need to be real with myself. This is the real world. I need good grades for grad school. But I know that taking fewer courses will allow me to get those higher grades and bump my average up to where I want it.

Food wise, I'm doing really well. I did slip and binge and purge quite a bit over the break, however it was much less than I expected. I purged twice a day at the most and did have some clean days! Today looks like it will be the first clean day in a while and I'm really proud of that :)

Treatment wise, I finished two modules of DBT, but I don't know if the third module, interpersonal skills, will be offered soon. I learned quite a bit in DBT, but what helped me the most is the section on addiction. I have a new notebook where I record addict mind, clean mind and clear mind thoughts, and the skills from that section are really helping me. Treating my eating disorder as an addiction makes so much more sense to me than the more typical nutritional treatment. It also allows me to continue partaking in gymnastics and having an athletes diet.

Overall, things aren't bad. They did get very very dark in December, as they often do with exams and the holidays, but I've climbed out of that hole. I'm taking three really exciting math courses starting tomorrow and I'm really excited to get back into the school mode, but with less courses and thus less stress.

I also had a revelation today regarding my ED which put me in this positive mood. I'm gonna do a bodiposi post tonight and show off my new sports bras because I'm so excited and positive right now I want to share it with the world!

Stay strong everyone

-Niqi
xoxo

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