Sunday, January 10, 2016

twenty four hours

11pm and I put on pajamas, praying that I won't wake up in the morning

12am and my thoughts are haunting me, I take some gravol hoping to fall asleep

1am and I'm really tired and I just want to sleep for a thousand years

2am and my dreams are torturing me with ideas of failure

3am and I'm awake and panicked telling myself that my dreams were just dreams

4am and I still can't fall back asleep so I go to the kitchen and make a feast

5am and my head's in the toilet regretting what I did just an hour ago

6am and I'm asleep again, this time with dreams of family abandonment

7am and my alarm clock starts beeping and I roll over upset that I'm still alive

8am and I washed down my nine morning pills with a cup of black coffee

9am and I'm trying to focus on the code that I'm writing

10am and I get some fruit because I'm allowed to have fruit

11am and my stomach is rumbling, I just want lunch

12pm and I'm pacing around the kitchen trying to choose what to eat

1pm and I'm in class trying to focus on lecture

2pm and it's time for another class

3pm and I'm snacking and trying not to fall asleep

4pm and I'm dreading my last class of the day

5pm and I'm counting calories instead of listen to my lecture

6pm and I'm home, exhausted and trying to eat dinner

7pm and I'm binging, because dinner was tough

8pm and I'm purging my feelings, thoughts, emotions, pain and my food

9pm and I'm sitting at my desk, trying to study and finish my school work

10pm and I'm falling asleep at my desk, but trying to stay focused.

11pm and I put on pajamas, praying that I won't wake up in the morning


-Niqi
xoxo



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