Saturday, January 23, 2016

Recovery

I feel like I've made this post about a hundred times over the past 3 weeks. But here we are. Three weeks into January, and I haven't done much towards my bulimia recovery.

I've accepted to maintain the weight I'm at until I stop binging and purging. So that's an important step. I still want to lose a bit more, but it will have to wait until I kick my addiction to bulimia.

I need to start taking this more seriously. I have so much yummy healthy food at home, I now need to convince myself it's worth eating, that it's worth the mental fight, and that I don't need the purge to feel okay.

I think one of my mistakes has been trying to reduce my caffeine intake at the same time. Yes it is something I need to work on. I have no problem being a caffeine addict and needing three cups of coffee a day, but 6 cups of coffee + pills + tea is excessive. However, for now, I'll allow myself the caffeine I need so that I can focus on the binging and purging. It's pretty evident by my behaviours that a lack of caffeine leads to me binging and purging.

I'm going to be using my instagram account to post images of my meals more consistently.  I'm also working hard at getting my sleep on track, because that will help exponentially.

I had an all bran breakfast bar around 5am this morning because I was up and hungry. I'm going to have my protein oats for breakfast in a bit and then some protein pancakes for lunch I think.

Today will be day 1 binge purge free.
And tomorrow will be day 2.
The day after will be day 3.

I CAN do this.
I MUST do this.

Have a wonderful weekend lovelies!

-Niqi
xoxo

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