Thursday, January 28, 2016

Psych ER

Yesterday was #BellLetsTalk. 
I usually partake a lot in this day, whether it be over social media, or telling people in person to tweet/facebook and educate others. 

Unfortunately this year, I was unable to do the usual awareness and education I usually do. This was because my mental illness took over yesterday. 

So much so, that I ended up in the psychiatric ER. 

I have to say, I do not feel like they took me seriously at all. No, I was not a current risk of harming myself or others at the time, but only a day earlier, I had taken my weeks worth of sleeping pills and benzos, slept for about 36hrs minus short breaks where I would hazily eat, then go back to bed. 

I was experiencing some sort of auditory hallucinations. These made me break down in the waiting room and beg my boyfriend to take me home. The hallucinations had calmed down a little by the time I was seen and I told them I wanted to go home. So they sent me home. 

There's only so much I can do to assert myself when I was hearing a voice telling me not too, that I was weak, attention seeking and worthless. I ended submitting to what I was being told by these voices and asking to go home. 

They let me go. 

I did tell them about my recent overdose, and my boyfriend talked to them during my meltdown in the waiting room. 

This is the first time I've ever had an auditory hallucination, and it was scary as hell.

And the psych ER let me go. I'm home now, and I'm feeling okay now, but who knows how I'll feel in a few hours. I'm sick and tired of not getting the help I need, just because I don't know how to ask for it. 


-Niqi
xoxo

2 comments:

  1. They are ridiculous, you can go in with a limb hanging off that you took off yourself and if you say you're not an immediate harm to yourself, they'll always send you home. I fear that so many suicides could be prevented if only their screening was more in depth. I'm sorry that you've had to deal with this. Have you looked into dbt? Or mindfulness? (Dbt is based on mindfulness and pretty much requires a therapist, but there's tonnes of mindfulness techniques out there, they even have apps for it lol). I hope you're feeling better now x

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    1. Thanks so much, yes I have done a mini dbt session, and am currently enrolled in mindfulness. It's definitely something I need to continue working hard at though! xx

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