Saturday, September 12, 2015

This is not a suicide note

This is not a suicide note
It is a note, yes
One for you to read
In case I die early
Of starvation or
A torn esophagus or
Maybe a heart attack.

But this isn't a note
You will be reading
After I decided to cease
Existing, late one evening.

Because I have sworn
And I have pledged
That I will not try to die
For at least eleven years

I want you to know
That I love all of you
Oh so very much
And if I could of recovered
It would have been for you

I tried getting better
Eating and eating
Not letting my actions
Succumb to the the menacing
Hiss, of the voice in my head.
But as much as I thought
Of how I wanted to be alive
To go on more adventures
With all of you
The voice didn't care
And took over completely.

I guess it was my actions
That killed me,
And I guess it was
My decision to continue
But I want you to know
That I enjoyed the time
We spent together.
This isn't a suicide note
But I'm sorry I killed myself.


-Niqi
xoxo

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