Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Nurses

I hate generalizing about nurses, because some nurses I have had, have given me a reason to live, have convinced me to eat or not purge, and really helped me during impulsive times, as well as times of distress.

One of my best friend's is a nurse, and she's fabulous. I can't imagine her ever being mean to anyone.

But I've had a few nurses that just seemed so uneducated on mental illnesses, that have triggered me or encouraged me to engage in behaviors.

Yesterday, I had a particularly bad nurse.
Those who have seen me in person know I'm a relatively small person. Most people underestimate my weight because I have a high muscle percentage. I'm not trying to sound stuck up or anything, and I feel fat a lot, but logically, I know that my BMI is at the low end of normal, and that others don't see me that way.

So I was getting my EKG, and already super uncomfortable with the idea of telling the nurse my weight, because I was very close to my high weight and my body image was pretty terrible. I started by telling her my height in centimeters, and she thought that was my weight. My height in cm is a solid 40lbs more than my weight in pounds.

This really triggered me because having someone think you way more than you do really doesn't help one's body image, especially when they are off by so much.

But it didn't end there. I was almost crying when I finally told her (who was being very impatient) my weight. She then left the room so I could get undressed and ready for my EKG. When she walked back into the room (she thankfully closed the door first) but repeated my weight really loudly, and converted it to kilograms out loud. Having my weight (which seemed really high to me in pounds) be converted to kg, really highlighted how much more I weighed than I usually do.

She was very unsympathetic to my discomfort, and seemed to ignore my distress.

Even if she wasn't trained in mental health, I still would expect her to be a compassionate person, and when someone is about to cry, ask if they're okay. It's not like I hide my emotions well when I'm that upset either...

Rant of the day is over, thankfully I'm feeling much more positive about my body today than I was last night.

-Niqi
xoxo

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