Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Losing 10 pounds

I was watching YouTube videos while putting makeup on this morning, and a weight watchers add came up.

The voice over said: How does it feel to lose 10 pounds? And there was a video of a girl looking confident in the bathroom mirror and applying on red lipstick. There was another girl there staring in awe.

Let me tell you how it felt about a year ago, when I lost 10 pounds and got to my low weight. I felt happy for an instance, when I stepped on the scale. I felt untouchable, magical, high, and like nothing could stop me.
Then I sat down at my desk. My life was still the same. I still had to send out emails I didn't want to deal with. I still had to run errands, and get through the day. I told myself I didn't need breakfast, and walked to the gym.
People were staring alright, but it was probably because of the giant bags under my eyes, and the warm sweat pants and sweater I was wearing on a warm August morning. My long hair looked thin and sick. Partly due to many rounds of bleaching and dying, but mostly due to the lack of nutrients.
I grabbed a coffee at Starbucks. I could feel everyone watching as I sat to sip on my venti black coffee. I felt myself shaking from the caffeine and lack of food, but I stood up, put my hand back on the table to steady myself until the stars went away, and walked to the gym.
Once there I got up on a stationary bike and peddled. Now more people were staring, but this time because of the scars on my arms and legs, reminding my that no matter my weight, I was still the same person, I was still miserable.
I ended up lying down in the student center. I didn't know what to do. I was hungry, but couldn't eat, because I had lost weight. I started feeling pressure to lose more and more weight. (The pressure ended up causing me to binge and gain weight again.) I felt clumps of hair fall out every time I brushed through it. I felt my head pounding every minute, and my eyes constantly closing from exhaustion. I felt isolated and cold. I always felt cold.

To summarize, I felt awful.

So Weight Watchers, if you want an honest answer to "how does it feel to lose 10 pounds?" It feels like going through hell, and getting nothing out of it.


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