Saturday, September 12, 2015

High weight

I meant to post this
A few weeks ago
When I was sitting
At my highest weight.

It was caused several
Binges after binges
Where I would fall asleep
And never purge.

But that's not the point
The point is that I
Was still me
I was still good at math
Funny, and kind

Gaining weight
And rising above that
Number I told myself
I would never go over
Didn't kill me
Like I thought it would.

Yes, I was distressed,
Yes, I was upset
Yes my ED yelled at me
And yes, I made myself
Lose the extra six pounds.

But again, that's not the point
The point is that I
Learned something important
I now have proof
That I can still function
I can still work,
And I can still study
If I don't control my weight.

I knew this logically
But experiencing it was quite
Different than expected.

So here are some pictures
Of me posing
At I weight I am
Highly uncomfortable with.

Now I just want to note,
This weight was well
Within my healthy range,
In fact my doctor claims
I was still on the small side.

But to me all I see,
In this picture is me,
Covered in layers
And layers of fat.

So I'm taking a step here
And showing you all
That I can still be me
(And you can still be you)
Even if you feel
Disgusted with yourself.

-Niqi
xoxo


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