Monday, August 31, 2015

Asking for help

Why is it so god damn hard? I need help, why do I feel so guilty asking for it.
I'm having a tough week. I thought that being a science rep for Welcome Week at my university would really help improve my mood, but I spend all day overly excited and putting up a happy front, that I crash right after. My ED voice is being extremely loud and I can't be starving or purging while running around trying to help first year students. And it seems like the second my 12-15hr days are over my suicidal ideations hit me full force.
I emailed my therapist asking for an extra session this week. I felt guilty. I felt like I wasn't bad enough, that I was fine, that nothing was wrong and that I would be wasting her time.
Sometimes I think that if I'm well enough to ask for help, I'm not sick enough to need it. How did I come up with that idea?
Sorry for this post being so down, I have a more uplifting post planned for tomorrow to start off September well.
-Niqi
xoxo

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