It's scary how easy it is to convince myself that I'm not sick. That I'm normal.
I live in a student house and spend my life in my room or on campus. Everyone is stressed, figuring out how to live on their own and worried about there weight. How am I any different.
I went to get blood work on Friday. Tracey, the nurse, asked me how I was doing. Not in a 'polite how are you I'm just trying to distract you because I'm going to poke your arm' kind of way. She was genuinely curious because she got to know me over the past year in half as I go in for my monthly blood work.
My roommate asked where I was and I said getting blood work done. He called me right away and asked if everything was okay. I said yes its just my monthly blood work. Apparently getting blood work done every month isn't normal.
I told my supervisor I had a drs appointment and that's why I was a few minutes late to our meeting. She asked if everything was okay. I said yes it was just my biweekly check in. Most people see their doctor a couple times a year, not a couple times a month.
My friend threw up at practice and I gave her a breath mint, antacid, a couple sprays of perfume and some foundation. Why do you have this on you she asked? Normal people don't have an "in case I purge" bag on them at all times.
I created a world where all these behaviours are normal. I guess it's good in the way that I can juggle my disease and my life. But how do I get better if Ive convinced myself that my life is normal?