Wednesday, April 1, 2015

April

April is going to be a good month. I can feel it. I've been really determined to make some positive changes in my life lately. In group we made small goals to help us work towards our values. So in order to stop self harming, as well as binging and purging, I made myself 6 little goals.

Goal 1:
Eat when I don't have time to purge
By eating when I don't have time to purge I won't be able to purge. This seems basic enough, but eating when I'm busy will also increase my chances of following my food plan. I just need to make sure that I do eat a little, because then a binge becomes inevitable.

Goal 2:
Eating food that is hard to purge. For now, I'm just going to stick to my safe foods, and not binge or purge. Every time I try a new fear food I seem to end up binging and purging. So safe food, no binging, no purging will be my new life.

Goal 3:
Go grocery shopping alone or not with my housemates. My housemates are super triggering when it comes to grocery shopping. Well, two of them are at least. The third one is great but she shops with the other two. I need to go grocery shopping and not buy a ridiculous amount of binge food.

Goal 4:
Tell people when I want to hurt myself. This is going to be super super super hard. I hate reaching out when things are tough. I get so embarrassed. But I know my twitter family will be super helpful, and I can also call help lines. With time maybe I'll actually be able to reach out to friends and family.

Goal 5:
Waiting it out. This is the hardest thing in the world. But I'll distract myself with a fun movie, painting my nails and drinking some tea. I can do this.

Goal 6:
Taking ativan. I love my ativan. But I tend to only take it on weekends because I don't have time to sleep or not be productive on weekends. So new plan: pepsi max and ativan when I need it. That way I can stay up, study and stay calm.

What are your April goals?

-Niqi
xoxo

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