Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Talking to the rents

I've never been a very open person. In fact, I hid all of my problems for four years, before going to university and realizing that I could be open and get help, and that wasn't alone.
Even though my parents are now aware of my struggles and were involved in my treatment for a few months when I was being hospitalized and still 17, I still have a hard time telling them about a lot of my behaviors. It's hard enough to admit to b/p to my housemates or therapist because I'm quite ashamed of it, but how do I tell my parents that I'm still engaging in those behaviors? It's their money that I'm flushing down the toilet. How do I tell them that I relapsed and I'm cutting myself again when they spent 16 years kissing every little scrape I got on the playground? How do I tell them that I lost my virginity to an acquaintance I met on twitter because I was stressed as fuck, and that it was really bad?
How do you tell the people who tried so hard to save you from all the dangers in the world, that the biggest danger lies in your very own mind?

-Niqi
xoxo

3 comments:

  1. I felt the same when I told my grandmother about being raped. Telling her my virginity was taken by force, by the same boy who beat me, who I later called my fiancé, was the most difficult thing I've ever done. Telling her it wasn't just him who raped me, but two others, was even more difficult.
    "Grams, they raped me."
    "You're kidding." She said with a smile on her face, like it was...no big deal. At all.
    She told me....she told me, getting serious, sighing, she would have to raise to rest of the grandchildren better. BETTER. She would have to raise them better. With more sense.

    But, today, I opened up to two of my instructors [one also having the role as the president of my college], about my rape, my Borderline Personality, Bipolar, anxiety, cutting, and what I was going through...I couldn't have been more relieved. In my school life, which effects everything else, the world was lifted off my shoulders. I'm so glad I did it. I'm so proud, and so glad, and so relieved I did that. It was hard and embarrassing, but there's so much less stress, because they understand why I'm not okay. And they're willing to work with me.

    It's tough. While my Grams didn't understand, at least at first, she's better now. She knows Springs are hard for me, and to avoid certain words that trigger me. My school is helping me get through without withdrawing, or failing.
    In my opinion, it's worth it. Even if it hurts. Even it's embarrassing. Even if they don't understand, right now. It's worth it, darling. It's worth it♡

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for sharing, darling <3 I'm so so sorry you had to go through all of that. I told my parents a lot of what I'm going through, from before, but they think I'm doing a lot better then I am right now and I don't want them to be disappointed.
      Thanks so much for the support <3 <3

      Delete