Tuesday, December 2, 2014

That's the borderline speaking

Exams are coming. I'm stressed as fuck. So what is my natural response? Let's cut, overdose, throw myself off of buildings, binge and purge or go get drunk.
No Niqi, you don't drink. You know your family has a long history of alcoholics. You don't want to go down that path.
Okay so b/p, cut, overdose or jump off a roof. Well the roof jumping is do risky.. death would be okay but being paralyzed would not. Overdosing would lead you to the hospital and probably on a 72 hr psych hold...
Like always, my options are b/p or cutting. Hence why I do them. Because they are the best option of a list of terrible options.

Niqi, calm down, this isn't you. This is the borderline speaking. It's an episode. Ride the wave, it will pass. I promise. 19 more days to get through. Hold on. Don't fall apart just yet. Try not to bleed out or lose all your electrolytes. Don't get hospitalized until the end of exams. Ideally, don't get hospitalized at all, but hey if you do, try to miss out on 'fun family time' (aka people stuffing their faces until they basically explode) instead of exams that will help my future.

Deep breaths Niqi. You can do this. Ignore the borderline until after exams. You can push it away for 19 more days. That's less then three weeks. 19 days. breathe in breathe out. Don't punch a wall, don't hurt yourself. 19 days. You can do it.


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